Should pension-aged, ex pro-cycling types like me just give up, or push ourselves way past our 'outer limits' and train with a pulse meter and other modern training aids ?

I put this question to the Cycle Crank think tank, chaired by Tony Tickle, editor of the Garmin News - a new, much talked about tabloid, brought out to rival Murdoch's Sun on Sunday, although the circulation at the moment is as bad as that of a 93 year-old geriatric confined to a recumbent ! Still, early doors yet.

Tony worked out a training programme for me, which was no laughing matter. However, I thought I would give it a go !

I was 'ordered' to do continuous hill sprints over a 600 meter climb, at an average gradient of 16%, or around 1-in-6 for all you muppets who can't work it out ! The idea being to increase the heart rate by Age x 3, which is in my case 68 x 3, or 204 beats per minute ?!!

'Well within your range', says Tickle, 'although you may get a little short of breath!'.

Tickle planned to be at these sessions, complete with black arm band in case of fatalities. Nothing to do with his dog dying, which is what he told me.

I had a couple of days to go before the first session, so I decided to 'Google' the BMC for some background - who would have thought Cadel Evans' team needed all those drugs from the British Medical Council. I discovered that a controlled trial of 20 carefully-selected old ex-pro bikers carefully collected from various care homes, had already been tested with the very same training techniques as Tickle had prescribed.

Of the 20 tested, only 3 survived and they became cabbages confined to recumbents with severe oxygen debt, which due to the 'credit crunch' they couldn't repay.

Then the penny dropped... You may not know, dear readers, that I recently bequeathed my Time road bike to Tickle, as he'd had his eye on it since I first got it.

I can only assume that he was getting impatient for my demise and had decided to 'speed things up'.

As I'm planning to live to be at least 53x13, or 108 in inches, I had him down for a long wait.

I think that Tickle should be removed from his role as coach for the aged, but may be up for a new government post to keep decrepit old cyclists off benefits permanently.

Finally, my personal training tip is to take 25mg of vyaggrer just before the start of the evening 10 to give good results.